Billy and the Three Musketeers

It took two whole days for the ill-effects of the “greens” to wear off completely, by then Junes was well and truly in the friend’s zone( Junes zone is more apt) with his newest catch, Sonia.(He is hopeless, isn’t he?)
The next monday, the three of us had 7am classes. I woke up first, stretched out the kinks in my muscles, I had not left the room for a couple of days and my muscles were a bit sore. I glanced across the room, there was Garfield snoring away, one leg dangling over the edge of his bunk. Junes was on the lower bunk of my bed under several bedclothes. Then I peered bleary-eyed at the time. It was 6:30am. Shit! I jumped out of bed and slapped the two slackers awake.
Thirty minutes later, Junes and I were in class. Garfield was in a different department.
By 10am our lectures were over for the day. I decided to go see my girlfriend Jenny, while Junes went off to go hang out somewhere else.
I met Jenny waiting for me already in the guest cafeteria. She was a lovely girl I met a few weeks ago. She was petite without giving the impression of being a barbie doll. Jenny had gorgeous eyes, smoky eyes that seemed to peer deep into my soul. Very witty, intelligent and funny, she loved country songs and Dolly Parton especially. She also had this habit of always patting her very long hair in place, shirt neatly tucked in. She was fastidious.
We spent the whole day in the library, pretending to read. At 6pm, my phone vibrated, it was Junes: “Hey, get some hotdogs on your way back. We are having noodles.”
Jenny and I said our goodbyes and I nipped into the school store to get the hot-dogs. Junes was gonna get noodles, while Garfield would buy tuna. We were pretty organised when it came to food matters, like clockwork. (We disagreed on everything else)
After that evening’s church service, we returned to the room to fix supper.
We had stopped eating in the school cafeteria in our 200L. Pride, some people would call it, we didn’t care. I particularly hated queuing up like an inmate to get food to eat, no siree.
In no time the meal was ready, and we settled down to eat. Now let me digress a little bit. This was how it worked. We ate our supper(only) together, in a bowl. You were allowed to eat at your own pace. This meant that Junes – who I swear had a refrigerator in his mouth, generally got the lion share of the meal. He was the unofficial champion. I was next and as you would expect Garfield was dead last. Loool. He was always last. Also we used matching spoons so that no one had undue advantage with spoon size.(This nearly resulted in a fight when Junes introduced a jumbo-sized spoon. We retired the spoon). Haha, enough digressing, back to the main story.
With our spoons poised over the food, we heard a knock, followed by: “Junes, its me Billy”. Garfield and I looked accusingly at Junes. He smiled apologetically and went to open the door.
“You have way too many friends” I grumbled under my breath.
In walked Billy, a guy I had seen around but didn’t talk to. By now the looks on the faces of Garfield and I were distinctly unfriendly and unwelcoming.
Billy shook us round and sat down, looking expectantly at the food. I was hoping when he saw that we were otherwise occupied- the fate of a bowl of delicious food rested on our frail shoulders- he would excuse himself to come back after we had finished settling pressing matters of state.
No siree, Billy sat down there, looking with eyes as huge as plates.
“Wow, you guys dey enjoy oo” he began.
“The food go sweet sha”
At this stage Junes had no choice but to ask him to join us, since Garfield and I were steadfastly ignoring him.
“Will you join us?” Junes chirped, extending the Jumbo-sized spoon we had retired. I cursed inwardly as Billy enthusiastically grabbed the spoon and dug in without further ado. O boy, Billy wielded that spoon with prodigious skill.
His first spoonful must have dwarfed the titanic, yes it was that large. Seeing that, Garfield simply gave up hope of getting to eat and just climbed his bunk and went to bed. Meanwhile, I sat there staring with morbid fascination as Billy decapitated the mound of food. The dude had the worst table manners I had ever seen, he kept growling like a pig, snorting and sniffing, bits of the food dropping from his spoon back into the bowl.
In the space of two short (painful) minutes, he was done. The food completely gone. ” Chairmen, I hail oo.” He said with a chuckle as he made his way to the door. He didn’t even offer to help clean up.
After he left, I rummaged through my belongings and found an unopened jar of peanut butter. That would prove to be my supper that night. 😦
There was a grave silence after Billy’s departure as nobody was really in the mood to talk, all of a sudden, Garfield hissed ” Billy-goat, see as he dey chop like crocodile”. Junes and I collapsed in fits of laughter……………..


2 thoughts on “Billy and the Three Musketeers

  1. Buhhhahhahahahahahhahahahaha………you don kii me laughter ooo…..I can only imagine the look on Garfield’s face when Billy took the first base…….oh boy….my belle oOo

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