Knights of Ilishan

Now that I think about it, school life was definitely the best.
Out of school now for almost two years and apart from one year of nail-biting, mind-boggling and excruciatingly frustrating boredom(NYSC), under the guise of serving the fatherland (or is it motherland?), I have achieved absolute nothing, nada, zilch.
Four glorious years in the university, where I had the world at my socked feet. All I needed for an illusion of grandeur was to lovingly iron my favourite silk shirt, black pants and clean my Salvatore Ferragammo footwear and poof! I was magically transformed from a frog (a very handsome one, I might add) to a prince. A knight in shining armour. Whatever. Take your pick. More importantly, woe betide that babe that didn’t look at me with approval whenever I was in my coat of many colours (the shirt was red with white stripes and the footwear was gold and black), she was deemed snotty and a snob immediately. I saved my getup for important days, or whenever I was in a good mood.
Ha! I then got my allowance jacked up by 200%, the chicks were in trouble. My favourite getup was never in danger of being upstaged; instead it was upgraded with accessories. As a “homie”, you were not complete without em shades. So I went and got myself a pair of sunglasses. All in all I ended up looking like a peacock showing off for the females of his species.
Now my tale won’t be complete without honourable mentions to my “crew”.
My closest pal in school was Junes. Ok, if I was Robin, here was the Batman. A power dresser and history buff. He could list all the presidents of America in chronological order. His room back in school always looked like a hurricane just swept through, shirts on the window sill, silk ties hanging from the overhead fan, shoes on the bed…………………………you get the gist.
Despite the chaos in his state of affairs, Junes “Batman” was always immaculately dressed. Dude loved to go for waistcoats and tight shirts looking like a modern day James Bond.
LOL! I remember this one time he wore a tie to his polo top. Crazy! Next day though, I saw no less than six guys do the same thing. By the end of the semester, it was the fad on campus.
One thing he was though, he was no James Bond. He had absolutely no game and the friend’s zone should be renamed “June’s zone”
I’d like to think that the two of us left behind some good memories and that we had a positive influence on the young lads who looked up to us as role models in school. (Yeah right) LOOOL.
The third and final member of the “crew” was Garfield. Don’t ask me how he got his name. He had a host of nicknames but Garfield was my favourite. This dude was a piece of work. He only wore Charles Tyrwhitt shirts (we were not sure they were original) with massive collars. The really annoying part of his clothes was the pants. My God! Garfield had a terrifying collection of pants. Other than that, he was alright.
After a semester of hanging out, we decided to become roomies in our final semester. As a result we were almost expelled on numerous occasions. Garfield always came up with the craziest of ideas.
One evening during the week of spiritual emphasis (a long and boring week, during which we go to church services every morning and evening), he somehow obtained some “greens”. We had heard that greens made you a hit with the chicks, and we decided to help Junes out of his misery (yes! It was that bad). In order for him not to feel alone, we all dosed up on the “greens”.
We had to leave for the evening service about 30 minutes later and it was en route that I felt the “kick”. I suddenly had the urge to sit down on the ground and lounge. Instead of being worried Junes burst into laughter when I confided in him my desire to sit. Somehow Garfield convinced me not to. I managed to haul my ass into the stadium ( venue for the evening service) and sit my ass in a chair.
Junes on the other hand had a smirk on his face; suddenly he was this different person. He got up from his seat beside me and walked up to a random chick and held her around the waist. While the girl was still staring in shock, he whispered something in her ear and I watched the amazement in her face change first to confusion. Then she suddenly started beaming. Finally, Junes had grown some balls. I watched him pull out his phone and he got her number there and then. Later, he told us that what he whispered in her ear was that she was the hottest babe he had ever laid his eyes on. Well, I still don’t believe him. Even “greens” couldn’t have made him that smooth.
Well as for me, I was busy. Riding brightly coloured horses, jousting with rival knights and even performed a rock song, on stage, with Nickelback. After about 15 minutes Garfield was too “high to stay. So he got up and left. Said he was going to bed.
After the evening’s service came the moment I had been dreading- the long walk back to the safety of our beds. To keep from staggering all over the road and thereby attracting the attention of overzealous Rogers and hall administrators, Junes and I held hands. To steady one another. LOOOOOOL! Shit was difficult.
We somehow made it to the room, where we met Garfield already snoring away the effects of the blasted “greens”.
The next morning, Garfield (Lord, he was stupid) woke Junes and I up with alarm on his face.
“Shey una sure say them no trace una come room?”
The ever sarcastic Junes looked at him with disdain “Yes now, I’m sure they waited outside our door overnight, just waiting for us to wake up.
I laughed, shook my head and went back to sleep.


3 thoughts on “Knights of Ilishan

  1. Yh, school was great and we didn’t know it.
    You took a couple liberties, with fact, Mr Knight.
    One, You simply weren’t that cool.
    Two, Be honest. It wasn’t very easy to get expelled then. They’d suspend you for two, 3 years maybe, send you for ‘counselling’. But expulsion? Except you scammed them or stole meat from the VC’s house.
    Three, It’s very dissapointing that you guys needed a ‘boost’ to just score with the girls. You should have asked for hints. I’d have showed you how.
    It’s okay tho, Knight of Ilishan, Reminisce or more correctly, dream on.

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